Category Archives: Relationship

A Kernel of Truth about Relationships

It’s all about relationships! proclaimed my father during our recent holiday visit with my parents. Santa Claus coffee cup in one hand and a wagging finger toward my wife, Elizabeth, with the other. When you retire, thats what you realize is most important in life (okay, so thats not him in the photo).

Dad recently retired from 30+ years as an orthopedic surgeon and the major shift in lifestyle seems to have brought about a significant shift in his outlook on life. For me, his statement about relationships became much broader and more profound than I thought such a simple and reasonable statement could ever become.

At first look, it makes sense that relationships are vital to our lives. Whether it is friendship, dating, marriage, family or community, relationships with others are a part of our everyday life. They give us belonging, meaning, companionship, intimacy and love. But, pulling back from this view and taking a broad gander at the subject I realized that relationships are more than just meaningful interactions with people. When we relate or interact with something we are, in fact, in relationship with it. For instance, our relationship with work, our relationship with ourselves, our relationship with our health and our relationship with our spirituality. By defining relationships from this broader perspective, our relationship list becomes almost endless.

You see, when we look at our relationships, we look at our interaction with every part of our lives; people, places, things, and events. So, what is our relationship to our work, ourselves, our environment, our health, our spirituality? How do we relate to these things? Or, better yet, if it is all about relationships how are our most important relationships?

Coming from the psychotherapy world, I often helped couples, families and individuals improve personal relationships by working through a series of 4 questions. Once I broadened my definition of relationships, I found that these questions are applicable to all types of relationships. The questions go something like this:

1. What relationships do you value most?

Be clear about what you value and which relationships are truly priorities to you.

2. Why do you value them?

Understanding the value these relationships have for you underscores the importance of the relationship and clarifies why a relationship feels important.

3. How do you nourish each relationship?

Now that youve identified how and why a relationship is important, you must define what it is that you do to keep that relationship alive and growing.

4. How do you maintain your commitment through the tough times?

Are the divorce stats really any different from the number of other relationships that end in our own lives (i.e., dropping the diet, forgetting exercise, leaving job after job, putting personal goals and dreams on hold, getting around to the God/spiritual thing when you have more time, etc)? These relationships may not necessarily be a marriage but like a marriage these relationships have their challenging times. Similar to a marital relationship, we must work through the difficult times in our other relationships rather than set them aside until a better time or just plain hope the struggles go away. This is often the point at which my coaching clients seek my assistance.

You will inevitably find that nurturing these relationships is often like a juggling act. Though, once we identify the key relationships in our lives and begin relating with them rather than leaving them on our To Do list, we will soon find that balance in life is an attainable goal and that, in fact, life truly is all about relationships.

Life Phrases About Relationships

Let’s start with you, then we’ll move to the relationships you have.

You have to believe that you are loved. Just because you exist means that you are. Your higher power or God, or whatever name you use for that which animates you, brought you into being out of love. For what over reason can you imagine being brought to life?

God needed to express Its consciousness. God, therefore, brought the physical universe onto being. God needed to experience God’s consciousness, for that was the only way God could have it. God’s Creation was an expression of love for God Itself.

Therefore, you were “born” of love. You are a direct expression of God. God is in you and through you, and is you.

This is difficult to explain to you. It is one the ineffable mysteries of life and the universe. You have to trust yourself to believe this way of thinking. If you have never thought of the love of God in these terms, this may even seem to be a foreign language that you do not understand.

Learn this “language” of God’s Love and expression of Itself – through you.

Then, when you have convinced yourself of the truth of this idea, you have a treasure to bring to the rest of the world. In this case we are talking about relationships, though the idea fits every place in life.

The treasure you have to bring to each relationship you maintain, is this value that you found in yourself through the love of God. This is not an excuse to puff yourself with false and uncalled for arrogance. Following the example of God, your treasure is offered to others as a free gift. God does force anything on you. God gives the gift of Its love. You give yourself to others in the same wise.

You have found infinite value in yourself through the treasure of God that is in you. Therefore, every relationship you have can be filled with this value, your value.

One of things this value means is that you do not need to pretend to be someone other than yourself. You offer yourself just as you are, God’s treasure in you. If the other or others in a relationship do not accept you in these terms, you need not keep them in a relationship with you. Just be yourself and others will find you and befriend you.

How Educated Are You About Relationships

Your education about relationships starts at an early age in life and some of us go through many hurtful experiences in the beginning. These experiences are necessary for us to grow and mature. But also for us to learn to love ourselves just the way we are. When we learn to except that we are a unique human being then it will be a natural thing for other people to except us too.

In a relationship there have to be a fairly even give and take for the relationship to work. If you are the one who are giving in most of the time then sooner or later the relationship will become unbalanced. It is really up to you to set your boundaries so the other person knows how far they can go.

If you are guilty of that then be quick to apologize and say you are sorry. A good relationship takes time and patience to build up and it is something which you should continue to work on. Most people like to be appreciated so do not hesitate to pay the other person a few sincere compliments now and again. It will work wonders for your relationship.

When someone new comes into your life it is usually for you to learn from each other and if they leave your life it may be because you have learned the lesson and you both need to move on. Not all relationships end up happy but if you can come to terms with the fact that some people come into your life for a reason, a season or they come to stay with you for a life time.

If you are lucky enough to have someone educating you about relationships at an early age then you will have a good foundation to build on and a much better chance to form healthy relationships as you get older. By understanding a bit about how relationships work you will be saved form a lot of heart ace later in life.

Know About Relationship Control

When people talk about relationship control, they immediately think that it is a bad thing. After all, if the guy is the one controlling the woman, that could mean that she loses her freedom completely and is a slave to the machismo of the male species. If it is the girl who is in control of the relationship, people would think lowly of the man because he does not have the guts to control the woman. There are a lot of reasons why relationship control is viewed in such a bad light but the truth is, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with it. In fact, a relationship can be in shambles without relationship control.

Let us put it this way, without relationship control, the relationship will have no objective and will go nowhere. If you are already married and you do not have planning for saving, having your own home or how to provide for your children, you can be sure that your marriage will not last very long. Someone has to be in control so that the marriage will have a direction and as a team, the husband and the wife can accomplish things together for themselves as a couple and for their children.

So if relationship control is not necessarily a bad thing, how then can it be beneficial for a relationship? More often than not, it is the guy who is in control of a relationship. He is supposed to be the breadwinner and the one to make the major decisions in the family. The problem is that there are men who overstep their so-called authority. They become dictatorial and expect the woman to follow and obey their every whim even though they are already wrong. For you guys who are having trouble with the right form of relationship control, here is a little but helpful tip. Just love your woman. They respond way better to love than to threats. If you show them that you love them, they will happily relinquish the control to you.

Of course, love is not enough for women to give the relationship control to the guy. He must also prove to her that he is capable of leadership. If you always make bad decisions, then how in the world will she trust you to make decisions for both of you? One cannot lead unless he knows what he is doing. Be a good decision maker, earn her trust and she will happily follow you.

Third, remember to listen to the woman also. You may have the steering wheel but remember that you only have it because she let you lead. Do not think that relationship control is dictatorship. Listen to what she has to say and when she has a point, follow her. That does not make you less of a leader or less of a man. In fact, it takes a real man to know that the woman is right.

What Are Your False Beliefs About Relationships

I have discovered that many of the single people I work with have a number of false beliefs about relationships. If you are single, do you identify with any of these beliefs?

People In Relationships Are Not Lonely

In my work with individuals and couples, I’ve found that people who are in relationships – including people who are married – are just as likely to be lonely as single people. Just because you have a partner doesn’t guarantee that you will not be lonely. In fact, some people who are in relationships are even more lonely than many single people. It can feel lonelier to be around someone who is unavailable for connection than to be alone. Being with an angry, withdrawn or needy person can feel extremely lonely.

Certainly, partners in relationship, who are available for connection, are less lonely than single people. It’s wonderful to be in a relationship with someone who is open and available to emotionally connect, when you are also open and available to connect. But way too often, this is not the case.

Being In A Relationship Will Make Me Feel Happy, Safe And Secure

Again, being in a relationship with someone who is loving and caring can lead to you feeling more safe and secure, as well as happy. But what if you are with a partner who is angry, distant, disconnected, and/or verbally or physically abusive? When this is the case, you may end up feeling less secure and more unhappy.

My suggestion is to learn to create inner happiness by practicing Inner Bonding – developing your loving adult self who is connected with a spiritual source of wisdom and comfort. This is what creates an inner sense of happiness, safety and security, and can lead to finding a loving and caring partner. Instead of waiting for someone to do this for you, why not learn to do it for yourself?

Being In A Relationship Will Give Me A Sense Of Self-Worth

If you are looking for a partner to make you feel worthy, you will likely end up with someone who is looking for the same thing. Relationships are healthy when each person already feels inherently valuable – not when they expect the other person to give them their sense of inner worth.

Believing that you can give another person their sense of worth is a huge false belief, just as believing that another can do this for you. If you are judging yourself as unworthy and unlovable, you will continue to feel that way, no matter how loving another is to you. You may find that you have a very hard time taking in another’s love if you believe you don’t deserve it.

Being in a Relationship Will Fill me and Complete Me

If you are abandoning yourself by judging yourself, staying in your head rather than being present in your body for your feelings, turning to various addictions to numb your feelings, and/or making someone else responsible for your feelings, you will feel empty and incomplete inside. We feel full inside when we learn to love ourselves and share our love with others. It’s not the getting of love from another than fills and completes, but rather learning to connect with your Source of love – filling yourself with love to share with another or others.

We feel full inside when we give to others from a loving heart, not when we give in order to get love. If you want to be in a relationship to get love rather than to share your love, you will likely end up either alone or in an unloving relationship.

How to Write Passionate Poems About Relationships

Poems about relationships are written to make the tender moment of love and passion become extra special and intense. They are considered poems of love that come from the heart and they have the capacity to make anyone’s knees buckle go jelly with fondness and sweetness. That’s why when you get any possible chance to write down a fine love poem, it is perhaps clever and cute to make use of words that are genuine, heartfelt and deeply sincere. Poems about relationships should be just right.

Sending them would be thoughtful enough. They don’t need to be that long but if you wish to convey your most passionate and strongest feeling through it, then let it. There shouldn’t be necessarily an occasion for you to actually come up with one. It’s more romantic if you just snapped and decided your partner deserves to know they’re loved and that you think about them often.

Aside from numerous other options, writing these poems about your relationship can vividly change and lift your status as a couple to an all new level. Mentioning even the little things how you like it when they smile or when they laugh at your jokes already play a key task in building a strong union. Poems are surprisingly, a very effective means to show your love, aside from kissing, hugging and cuddling.

Your poems about relationship must be very well thought but that goes beyond perfect grammar and subject very agreement. Writing it from the heart and doing your best to make it the most romantic ever is enough. Although most people would find it corny or a waste of time drooling over poems to write, it could make all the difference if you try even just once. If you’ve never tried writing one before, well then, now’s the perfect time to start. Who knows, you might be just a poem away from bliss and contentment in your relationship.

Going About Relationships

When you wish to enter a relationship for the first time, there are many things that cross your mind. One thing that you do not want to do is make a mistake or do something wrong. For this reason, it is essential for you to know about relationships so that you can know how to make the right decisions when you are relating to your partner. There is so much to know when it comes to going about relationships. Let us begin from the start. When you wish to be in a relationship, you look for a person to enter into the relationship with. If you are lucky enough, someone will overtake you and request you to be their partner in a relationship. Most girls will be asked by boys while most men will look to ask girls for dates. Whatever, you choose to do; you need to be armed with information on how to approach a girl or how to respond to a boy when he expresses his interest. As a guy, it is vital to first make sure that you are actually interested in the girl. This interest should not be forced at all; it should be mutual and from the heart. Once you think that the girl is worth your effort, do not change and pretend to be someone else.

Most guys start seeking for perfection and this is not necessary at all. All you need it to look good, treat her with respect and be sincere. Looking good does not mean that you have to be a fashion model but, it simply means being sharp and looking clean. The above three things will definitely help you capture the heart of the girl you like when going about relationships. As you get to know her, show romance and charm and let her suffocate in desire for you. For girls, when a man approaches you, you will consider three things. First is whether you like him, second is whether he is charming and third is whether you can learn to love him. For ladies, it is all about what they feel deep inside. As a girl, you need to be joined to a person who will capture your heart in a deep way. Many times, looks are great but can be deceiving. It is vital for you to ensure that you get into a relationship with someone you can deal with; otherwise, you are in for a very challenging love experience. Going about relationships needs a lot of thought.

Once you have entered into a relationship, going about the relationships will change gear and, you will have to know what it takes to maintain and sustain it. In the relationship, you will discover what love is all about and how you must keep doing well. Relationships are for those who do not give up when times are bad. Therefore, you need to ensure that you outlast trying times and mature in love. This is the only way that you can survive in this regard. Love is a blissful affair, only if you are willing to sacrifice and compromise for your partner. When you find that going about relationships is all about partnership, you will be grateful to have a partner who you can lean on.

About Relationships

Choosing books about relationships should be something you really take the time to think about and put some effort into. Here are just a few things to keep in mind when looking for books about relationships.

With so many relationship books to choose from you may need a little help finding the best one for you.

Here are just a few tips you can use when searching for help with your relationships. Some of these may be obvious but read on…

One thing you need to be aware of is that a fancy name with lots of letters after it does not necessarily mean the author really has knowledge you can use in the real world. Instead, look for authors who have actually been through some of the problems you may be having. In other words someone who has been down in trenches and have managed to put their relationships back on the right track not to mention that they may have helped countless others do the same.

You will want to look for someone who really cares about the people they are helping because you need to know the advice you are being given is real and it works.

Also beware of books that tend to only tell you that you should work on yourself for now and just let the relationship go for a period of time. A lot of relationship books will give you this advice, which is good advice, but that is the extent of what they give you. These kinds of books can be turned into long drawn out, 50 page reports that just say the same thing over and over again using different words. You can do without all of the fluff that these books are filled with because they will waste your time and money.

Find a book instead that offers new ideas and tips. Something that your friends may not even be aware of when they try to give you advice on how to fix your relationships. After all, you can be the one to help them out once you get your hands on a book that gives you advice that actually works and works well.

An example of some of these might be: Does the book offer a step by step guide on how to keep your partner happy by telling you what kinds of things to look for. What about recovering from having an affair? Will it tell you the best ways to deal with that? Or, how about giving you some ways to find some relief when you are in severe pain over a breakup or other relationship problems.

You will also want to notice who recommends the book. Are the testimonials from real live people or are they somewhat generic in nature? Look for testimonials that are unique because they are more than likely very real. You don’t want to hear how great the book is by reading a testimonial that is written by the authors mom.

Look for recommendations that come from all people from all different lifestyles and areas of life. If a guy in Kentucky raves about he married his dream girl after reading the book and a shy young lady from Australia also feels like she got great advice, the chances are good that this book will give you some great advice too.

While there are probably 1000’s of relationship books you can find out there, the majority of them are written by someone who has never had any real experience dealing with the problems that can arise in relationships. They do a little research, write a short book that really can be summarized in just a few paragraphs and then get a friend to read it and write a testimonial recommending it or saying how great it is.
The reality is there is just fluff and stuff with no real solutions given.

It may take a little work to find and figure out which books really do offer great advice but then that is what a relationship is all about, putting in a little extra effort. Take the time to look for and invest your money in: the very best books about relationships that will work for you.

Books About Relationships

People often seek out books about relationships to find answers to their relationship challenges rather than waiting for an appointment with a relationship therapist.

However, not all relationship advice e-books offer the same effective techniques, and not every one gives a well laid out plan that really helps.  Relationships are quite complex below the surface and due to that fact not many people out there realize on a conscious level exactly how complex they can be. Love and relationships are not an exact science, and care needs to be taken to select the best e-book to meet your exact situation.

For all of that, imagine how easily you can download, read and get techniques you use do this very day to start getting your ex back.

There are many books about relationships available, and they  can help you if you know how to choose the best one for your situation. Choosing a good relationship book should be something you really take the time to think about and put some effort into. You will need to invest some time and mental energy to find the best e-book, but in the end, your efforts will be rewarded, as you will be able to get the best book for your money, and will be able to use it to improve your relationship.

You can find lots of books about relationships on the market and e-books on internet, but unfortunately most of them have been written by people who have not gone through the experience, so their advice is often very generic and simplistic.

The recommendations they finally give are often useless and vague, and you feel no closer to surviving a breakup than you did before you started reading. With many of these digital books you find the advice they give in many pages could really be written in one page.  Many of them are useless as they are written by people who haven’t experienced what you have and are designed to suck you in at your most vulnerable time.

So, how do you find good e-books, ones that will give you the confidence of knowing that if you follow them you will get the results you want?

Here are a few tips you can use when searching for help with your relationships:

First of all, pay little attention to all of those fancy letters after the authors name. Some people seem to think that just because the authors have a degree attached to their names that it makes them experts in relationships. Although these initials will give you an idea of all the studies this person has, it is not indicative of their expertise in these matters. The best thing to do is to go for a book written by an author who knows all about these things “first hand”. This means that either they have been through these sorts of problems and have overcome all the difficulties, or they have helped lots of people to do it.

Secondly, seek out unbiased reviews of books about relationships online. Noticed I, deliberately, said ‘unbiased’ reviews, because, unfortunately many reviews are far from unbiased and are structured only to lead you to buy the e-book of the authors choosing. The way to overcome this is to look for evenness across the reviews, and reviews that point out both the pro’s and the cons of the product.

Myths About Relationships and How You Can Learn

Somewhere along the way in our struggles to be happy we cling to certain notions about relationships that have really turned out to be myths. Just as there are no perfect people there are no perfect relationships. If you would like to learn the truth about these myths and where to find the secrets of the happiest couples in the world, then this is an article you won’t want to miss.

First of all, let’s talk about the myths and the truths behind them:

  • Myth #1 – The best relationships mean being able to resolve all your differences. – Impossible! It’s estimated by relationship experts that 90% of these problems are not even solvable. You are better off just agreeing to disagree and moving on, rather than fighting about things and not getting any closure.
  • Myth #2 – The most successful couples must have common interests that bind them. – There isn’t any reason why you MUST have common interests. Don’t go along with something you don’t enjoy because you think you have to!
  • Myth #3 – Happy couples rarely have fights. Actually it’s just the opposite. The happiest couples are often the ones that can release tension in the relationship by arguing the proper way.
  • Myth #4 – The best relationship is where you can say anything you want. Not a good idea. It is essential that you pause before you say something hurtful that could damage the relationship badly.
  • Myth #5 – If you could only “fix” your partner the relationship would be better. This is crazy talk and signifies unwillingness on your part to see your own role in the relationship. Your partner isn’t responsible for your happiness! You would probably be better served trying to “fix” yourself.